I make $8198 per month answering surveys and neither will you
Hi,
Joshua here.
I made $8198 last month answering surveys online. Here is a picture of the check I created in Photoshop.
I joined this great survey company. Several, actually. They give me $0.35 every time I answer a survey such as “Which is better? Nike or Adidas?”, as long as I agree to a certain number of offers. Yeah, they all present the same offers, which would only be relevant if the underwriters checked to make sure you haven’t signed up more than once. Just use different email addresses each time. Doesn’t matter. I still have an imaginary $8198.
Why am I mentioning this? It’s free imaginary money. Why wouldn’t I want to share this with you? Hold on, let me give you a link. Never mind that it’s a tinyurl link. No reason for that. Nothing to do with the fact that it embeds my affiliate ID, and instead of $0.35 I get $5 from the site if I get you to give your information.
They pay me every time I earn $20. By check, in the mail, like clockwork. I’ve earned $19.99 four-hundred ten times. Look, that’s $8198. It’s all mine. As soon as I get that last penny from each of the sites, I’m buying a Saturn with cash.
It’s OK if you use a Private Mail Box and pretend it’s a residence address. It actually gets you even more free stuff, like survey companies that subscribe you to newspapers and collect the referral fees. Doesn’t bother me. I just don’t pay the bill. Eventually the papers stop coming. Who could this hurt?
They’re out there. They’re free for the asking. Don’t go looking for yourself, though, let me do the looking. It’s the only way I can accumulate imaginary money: by getting more victims.
OK. Bad satire. This is leading up to a point.
The point is: we all know those survey sites are lies. Fortunately, I’ve done extensive research, and there happen to be a few really great ones. You’re my friends. Why wouldn’t I want to share these with you? Hold on, I’ll send you the link. What is this “tinyurl” of which you speak?
OK. Head-fake. Here’s the real point.
The point is: there are sites that genuinely give you free stuff. If you are prepared, if you own a domain and can create throwaway addresses in case they get swamped, and you invest a little time, you can get real rewards. I got a laptop lap desk at Borders.
OK. Satire should stop.
Except, it’s not satire. Not really. I can actually show you the lap desk if you come over to my cottage. Why wouldn’t I want to share this with you?
The answer is, because the internet has cried wolf. No matter how much you love and trust me, no matter how many times I give you just the URL and not an affiliate link, there is going to be something untoward about it — or, even if there’s not, you’re going to wonder what my cut is. I sincerely don’t have a cut.
My email address is joshua@mcgees.org. This is where I entreat you to email me and, if you’re a friend, quietly slip you the URLs.
Except: I’m not going to tell you. Not reverse psychology. Not more satire. Not cruelty. I’m just not a fucking whore. And even if you got the free lap desk at Borders, the cost of the requisite anti-louse body shampoo would be higher than its value.
They’re out there. Really, they are. Just like some strangers with candy just happen to be paid to hand out free candy (I got Jelly Bellies from the briefcase of a businessman at an airport, as an adult, after I said “What do you do?”, He said “Sales rep for Herman Goelitz”, and I said “Oh, that’s Jelly Bellies, isn’t it?”) But for fuck’s sake: it’s not worth the time. It’s not worth the nausea. It’s not worth the lice. Do something more honest and less icky, like check payphones — I know for a fact there are now seven in Los Angeles county — for returned quarters. 109 quarters and you get a lap desk.
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