Illness, Law, and Order
Sunday, I lay down in the early afternoon, about 2 p.m. I wake up, and look for about five minutes for my tiny, hard-to-find glasses. I look at my phone, which said it had updated itself for DST. It said 4:30. I went to my computer. It said 5:30. Neither made sense, as it was dark outside.
I went to time.gov (bookmark that one) and found out it was 5:30 — the following morning. So I slept for about 15.5 hours.
Kind of scary — weird things happen when you are sick — but a good way to accumulate shows on your DVR. I started watching a Law & Order: CI episode I had previously given up on. It’s a Logan episode, starring David Cross and, they said, Kristy Swanson.
I like David Cross. I like his writing, I like his stand-up, I like his insight. But I think it’s fair to say that he has no dramatic chops. If we find out he’s the killer and has been lying about everything during the episode, it may be better, because the fact that I don’t believe a single one of his motivations could be viewed as a choice. The episode is dreadful. And Kristy Swanson? Kept looking for her. Beautiful, beautiful Kristy Swanson from when I was in high school. Here is how I remember her:
Here are three more-or-less NSFW images. SFFD fans, remember to check back when you are home.
Finally found her: she’s playing a bottle-blond floozy. A latter-day Marilyn Monroe, a comparison they keep making more and more explicit. And she’s — how to put this gently? — obese. Not Monroe-by-today’s-standards-big, but obese. Maybe some of it is a fat suit, and she certainly looks worse because of the Playboy-style caked-on makeup and garish lipstick, but her upper arms looks like they weigh as much as she used to in total. IMDB reports she’s almost 40, now.
Really unfortunate. I’m speaking as someone who has put on 120 pounds (British: 8 1⁄2 stone; Bushman: very much; elsewhere: 54 kg) in the last ten years, so I know this can happen, and I know what I’m talking about. But this is really, really unfortunate.
Episode is half over. I’m going to go drag myself back and try to finish it this time.
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March 10th, 2008 at 6:06 am
The episode has Swanson’s character say, “You should never Google yourself. Bloggers say such mean things.” So, Kristy, I’m sorry, if you’re reading this. But if you want a weight-loss partner, I’d be willing to go in with you.
Also, the episode has at least one glaring flaw: the premise is that the victim dies because of a lethal combination of Methadone and SSRIs. This was worrisome, as I know people on that cocktail, so I went to Medscape (a WebMD property) and checked Methadone separately against Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil. Nothing. This is not the kind of misinformation you want given to your viewing audience.
March 10th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Well, she had just had a baby when she shot that. Plus, she’s supposed to be an Anna Nicole Smith-like character, not Marilyn.
I’m surprised I saw this episode, Goren’s not in it.
March 11th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Well, she had just had a baby when she shot that.
That certainly explains some of it.
Plus, she’s supposed to be an Anna Nicole Smith-like character, not Marilyn.
I would say the writers are going for both, unless their point is that Anna Nicole Smith is trying to be Monroe. There is a shot of her character standing over a subway grate in a white dress; the character’s use of Marilyn Monroe’s birth name as a pseudonym under which she had her prescriptions filled; and a mention that she had “always said” she was going to die before age 40, “just like Marilyn”.
I’m surprised I saw this episode, Goren’s not in it.
It would have been difficult for even D’Onofrio to redeem the writing, IMO.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:15 am
Anna Nicole was obsessed with Marilyn. I believe I heard somewhere that she had said that about dying. I think. I don’t know, I tried really hard not to pay attention when all the Anna Nicole hoopla was going on. :S
Anyway, once you see Noth saying certain lines, it’s hard to picture D’Onofrio playing that same part. I still like Goren better.
Don’t you love that cheesy little line at the end of every episode? Priceless. haha
March 11th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Up late or up early?
Anna Nicole was obsessed with Marilyn. I believe I heard somewhere that she had said that about dying.
OK, thanks. I don’t even remember Anna Nicole hoopla. What was it about?
I’m such a shut-in when it comes to news: if it’s not on NPR’s or the BBC’s radar, it’s not on mine. I trust them to filter my news for me. Is that any better than the people who trust O’Reilly and Limbaugh to filter their news for them? (Just now, checking on how Bill O’Reilly spells his name, I got a Google Books result for The O’Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America’s Families. Angels, ministers of grace, etc…)
Don’t you love that cheesy little line at the end of every episode?
It’s actually less horrible on CI than on the other two shows. Dick Wolf must think every episode needs a poignant “sting”. Someone needs to tell him that, most of the time, subtler is better.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Wait, was obsessed? She’s dead? Hold on…
I guess so. Oh. Was that what the “hoopla” was about? The article also says “In the months before her death, she was the focus of renewed press coverage surrounding the death of her son, Daniel Smith.”
Swanson’s character on CI had a son who died, too. I don’t have the will to slog through the Wikipedia article for more similarities. I guess there were very close similarities between the two.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:48 am
Up early.
Yeah, the “hoopla” I was referring to was her death. I just tuned it out. But it was hard to avoid it sometimes.
About news…I trust Jon Stewart better. hahaha
March 17th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
A good friend told me he heard Swanson was putting on weight specifically for an Anna Nicole biopic. When I told him about this episode, he said, “Oh, maybe that was it.” So maybe the engorging is intentional and temporary.