Bears Are Real
Jenn and I had just switched places, Jenn replacing me under Niall’s nylon pup-tent shaped like a locomotive. Niall was the other occupant. Jenn is claustrophobic.
“I’m kind of freaking out in here,” Jenn says to me.
“Why?” Niall overhears.
“Your mommy doesn’t like closed spaces. Your daddy does.” A pause. “When daddy goes cave exploring, do you want to go with him?”
He looks at me and regards me carefully for fully ten seconds. He doesn’t want to disappoint me. “Ummm. Ummm. There might be bears. I’m not sure if I want to go.”
Jenn and I exchange startled looks.
“That’s true,” she says. “Sometimes bears do live in caves.”
Suddenly he’s not sure if we’re pulling his leg or not.
“Silly!” he accuses. “Bears aren’t real!”
“Oh, yes, they’re quite real,” Jenn explains. “In the sense that they are actual animals living on the planet.”
“Yes, bears aren’t monsters, they are real animals,” I elaborate.
A puzzled look. “Why?”
I think about that for a second. It’s a really good question. Why are bears real? Not, “Why did they evolve?” but “Why did humans allow carnivorous, predatory, terrestrial megafauna to survive into the 21st century?” A fitting question for Jared Diamond
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April 3rd, 2007 at 9:06 am
Short Answer: Humanity knew when it was outclassed.
Bears ain’t nothin’ to fuck with, son.